Building a Foundation

or Maintaining Structural Integrity

These are the words I shared with my friend Veronica in a text this morning when she asked me what I was doing today. My initial response was an itemized list of the actions I was going to be taking today. A laundry list of sorts. And then the feeling of dread and self-imposed pressure to ‘produce’ started creeping in.

I re-read my text and thought, “Wait. That’s not it. This (listing items to check off to make me feel like I have accomplished something) is not the focus of my day. What am I actually doing?” So I sent another text that read, “Building a foundation. That is my reframe for what I am doing today.” 

This seemingly small change of words shifted how I felt about myself, how I wanted to focus my energy today and think about the work I am doing for myself and with a group of Inuit women. 

A strong foundation and structural integrity is needed to move forward and to be able to call home. It has taken me some time to re-engage with, listen to and heed these words for myself. 

This noticing and reframing, and being able to put it into words, comes after many months of recovering from, re-discovering myself, rebalancing and restoring myself from: 

             burnout

The burnout felt like a one-time, big star exploding event. In reality, the signs were there and kept presenting themselves over a number of years. I just wasn’t listening to or staying connected to my body, my intuition or paying attention to the signs. 

I was so focused on making and holding space for everyone else and looking after their needs that I forgot to hold space for me. To make and hold space for the me that:

• experienced two big life events within a year: having a child in my early 40s  and moving a family across the country with a 9 month old baby
• was dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety, but didn’t realize it. Or maybe didn’t want to acknowledge it. 
• was figuring out who I was after giving birth to a child. Who I was as a parent, spouse, sibling, daughter, career driven/oriented person, community oriented person
• navigated returning to full-time work as a mother, parent, spouse
• was starting perimenopause and not realizing this is what was happening with my body
• and other experiences and moments I acknowledge as I continue to rest and heal

Yesterday and today I chose to check in with myself to maintain my structural integrity (physical, spiritual, emotional and mental) by paying a visit to an acupuncturist (@acu.morg) and massage therapist (@katiboulin). Both of these visits were followed by rest because my body needed it. 

What was something you chose to reframe today?

What is one thing you did to check in on your structural integrity or maintain your foundation? 

———————-

I am looking forward to sharing more with you about what I am ‘learning through story’  and being in relationship with myself, others, the natural world.